Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Can this be love?




 Love versus Infatuation

God has given man the good in life, especially the capacity to love and experience love. However, the devil constantly in opposition to God, places before us, created beings, counterfeits. Infatuation is his false front of love. And since both love and infatuation involve strange emotions--- a desire to be together always and sexual excitement--- telling the difference between them doesn’t come easy.

Young ladies and men of my age and even of all ages are hopeful to easily identify if they are really in love or not. How can we tell whether one’s in love or simply infatuated? How shall we know? Of course I am not credible, not reliable. How can an inexperience single young boy can answer that but I made a research, asked different people from different ages, experiences, backgrounds etc. . Fortunately, also some concerned individuals—psychologists, counselors, human development experts, and marriage and family life educators—have studied, observed, and written on this subject and passed their tested information on to us through books and reading materials. From them I’ve gleaned and summarized some valuable indicators to which I add my own observations, learning,  and a little experience.

1. Love centers one person only while infatuation tends to consider several at the same time.

The suitor who strikes here and there or the girl who accepts the offer of one man after another certainly needs time to be sure of his or her feelings.


2. Love develops slowly.

Just like a plant, love needs nurturing before a blade appears then the ear, and later on the corn. Feelings and impulses at first sight or such at those whirlwind courtships could be listed down as infatuation.

3. Love recognizes three important things even as interest in the other person awakens compatibility, faults, and reality.

Infatuation disregards the consideration of workability between two people in matters of age, station in life personality factors, and world views. It ignores character faults which a marriage cannot undo.
Generally, a child can be bent like a tender twig, but adults have to be accepted as they are. Marriage isn’t designed to be reformatory.
Neither does infatuation take a look at reality. Two young people who think they’re in love but don’t recognize their lack of financial and emotional capabilities to shoulder the responsibilities of dependent living, spousehood, and parenting may be simply treading the infatuated path.


4. Love motivates behavior, usually toward the positive. Infatuation does the opposite.

A young man who used to be a high achiever in class has become irresponsible and unconcerned about his studies. Fantasizing and late night activities with his girlfriend occupy his time. Love inspires, infatuation weakens and destroys.

5. Love controls desire for physical contact, but infatuation explores it.

It may be called ultra conservative, but I still known a few couples today that first kissed their partners at their wedding ceremony. A kiss could lead to more and more intimacy until sex, but God’s plan for our lives includes limits. Sex is good, but it belongs only in marriage.


6. Love is selfless, while infatuation is selfish.

The first protects the reputation of the beloved; the latter doesn’t care as long as he’s satisfied with what he’s getting out of the friendship.

7. Love brings the approval of family and friends. Infatuation generates disapproval of these two groups.

Very often these people see what lovers themselves are blind to. Love listens and weighs the pros and cons, infatuation is headstrong and rushes in to follow its impulses.


8. Love produces security, infatuation, insecurity.

My friend doesn’t know what she’s going to do. What an awful time this must be for her! She’s gone steady with his BF for a whole year, and thought they were really in love. Yet now he suddenly acts like he doesn’t even know her.

9. Love survives separation. Infatuation easily dies when put to a test like distance.

Love says absence makes the heart grow fonder. Infatuation sees the grass on the other side is greener.

10. If it has to end, love does it slowly.

The emotional traces are meaningful and deep. Infatuation, however, ends rapidly—easily comes and goes.



Experts say that most people get infatuated several times before they find real love. So what do you do when you find yourself infatuated? Recognize it for what it is—a crush and unreasonable emotion. Don’t take it too seriously nor make of it something it isn’t. Don’t allow yourself get carried away by it. And it’s very important not to “fall into bed” with just anyone you think you love. Follow the rules and listen to counsel and specially to GOD—we will find a real love someday.  

Disclaimer: 
People from above's photos are mere models and does not necessarily reflect of those real life affairs upon date of publish. More so, Status changes without prior notice.

8 comments:

april may anne said...

Yeah I agree with the author also I want to add that love keeps no record of wrong, we are inevitable of making mistakes that's why we should be open to all possibilities, willing to give a chance and willing to forgive. On the other side of the coin he/she must be willing to be forgiven also.

Not only that love involves commitment in which infatuation has none of it. They make "no-strings-attached rule" that makes them playing-safe partners.

TRAMZ said...

Right... thanks for taking time reading and for the comment May Anne... <3 <3 <3

anie said...

tama jd c te mayAn.. haha. i love you na nd poreber.. <3

Anonymous said...

Infatuation is a mere feelings of uncertainty. In which infatuation can be describe in this qoute..

"Loving u was a fantasy, losing u was a reality."

or rather, it should be...

"To be together, you and me was a fantasy, losing you is the reality."


while LOVE is..


"Love is patient,
love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always:
........protects
......always trusts
....always hopes
..always perseveres.

Love never fails.."

~1Corinthians 13:4-8a

Darwin said...

na contrast jud nimu ang love and infatuation mart. interesting post... nakatawa lang ko sa disclaimer especially sa line didto na...

"does not necessarily reflect of those real life affairs upon date of publish."

unsa na expecting to level up in the future? lol

TRAMZ said...

@anonymous: Thank you for that additional wisdom. Great 1. :D

@annie: Kinsa imong love na nd poreber an? hehehe

@Darwin:Depende Dar di natin alam ang panahon.. Malay Mo! HAHAAHAHA :D

Darwin said...

Hahaha

Meh ganun mart?!

jabie said...

great work!thanks mart for the wisdom..

Moreover, true love moves in mysterious ways. It comes when you least expect it. It's just like your partner is the missing pieces of your puzzled life. His/her weaknesses are your strengths and vice versa. Above all, it comes from the discernment of the heart that only God can awaken.

On the other hand, infatuation is so temporary. The feelings will never last. It's more on admiring the other person's physical aspect only and when you come to know his/her inner being, your feelings tend to disappear.

"A woman's heart shall be so hidden in Christ that a man should seek Him first before he finds her."