Wednesday, June 1, 2011


"..Too often we assume that everyone else has it altogether and that we’re the only ones still struggling. We all battle discouragements, sin, tears, and loneliness at times. We each have hopes and dreams and joys. Be willing to share them. .."


I had been through a lot of stings before because of friends moving away. High school friends go to different paths in college, college friends went to different opportunity for a greater heights in life. Workmates and church-mates come and go. Though for now I have that restraining tendency when I feel that a certain person or group is getting close to me at the moment but I still believe that I need to face the so called separation anxiety and the like and meet new friends again. God has His purpose of letting me get close to a certain friend and then take him/her away in the long run for various reasons. One maybe because to give way for new people I need to bond with at a certain point of time.

We all long for friends. Someone to talk to. Someone who’ll understand us. Who will laugh with us. Cry with us. Who’ll be there for us no matter what.

But people move a lot. Our lives are busy. We make it home at night, lonely, tired, and with little energy to reach out to anyone, wishing someone would reach out to us.

Even at church many of us stand on the edges, watching people talk and connect. We feel so alone, wishing we were part of the group.

Here are some personal tips I can share:

So How Do You Make Friends? Where Do You Begin?

Go where you’ll meet people with whom you have something in common. A craft of exercise class. Church. The story hour. A bible study. Sports. Games. Healthy organizations etc.

Be willing to be the first to reach out.

How to Reach Out.

When you’ve decided that you’re willing to make that move, how do you reach out?

First, choose who you’ll reach out to.

The people I reach out to are ones who share my heart’s desires—a close intimate relationship with God and cherishing family and friends. I’m also drawn to people who laugh and have fun. What kind of people do you want as friends? When you’re drawn to them, reach out.

Then simply talk to them.

Text. Add to your GM (group messaging). Invite them out to gatherings, home, lunch or to do something together.

Call. If you don’t know what to say, begin with “ I was just thinking about you and thought I’d give you a call. I was hoping we could get to know each other better.”

It may feel awkward at first, but persevere. It took months for one of my friendships to really blossom. In those months I never gave up. I knew that this was someone who shared a lot of similar interests and passions. I called, wrote notes and invited her to do things. My perseverance paid off in a best friend who’s been a real source of strength through some tough times.

Many of us have walls that take a while to break down. Often it’s because we’ve been hurt in a friendship before. It’s harder to trust when you’ve been wounded by previous friends. Persevering love has a way of crumbling those walls and revealing good friendships.

What Do I say?

Sound too easy? Just start talking to someone and getting together? But what do you say? How do you feel those awkward moments?

Ask questions that require more than just a yes or no.

Question that that allows a person to share a part of themselves. Then listen.

Some questions can be simple, such as “What do you enjoy doing as a hobby or in your spare time?” Follow through by asking, “Why do you enjoy that?” “What’s most challenging about that?” “What’s most rewarding?”

Other questions can be a little deeper. “What one character trait do you wish you could change in your self? Or that you appreciate about yourself?”

“What was the most challenging time in your life?” “What one lesson has God taught you that has meant the most of you?”

Be willing to share from your own heart. 

Sometimes we’re afraid that people won’t like us if they really know us. Too often we assume that everyone else has it altogether and that we’re the only ones still struggling. We all battle discouragements, sin, tears, and loneliness at times. We each have hopes and dreams and joys. Be willing to share them.

Share things you enjoy doing.

From there, you’ll find things you both enjoy. For instance, I have a friend who doesn’t enjoy computer games but like going to movies. As we tried different things, we found the things we both enjoy together. Remember, it’s OK if you don’t like everything together.

Will he/she like me?

What if the person you’re reaching out to doesn’t want a close friendship? Then find someone else who does. And you won’t know that until you try. Too many times we let our insecurities hold us back. We worry about things that may or may not happen. My friend kept on asking a certain girl to go to Movie with him. He said, : I’ll never get the opportunity to watch movie with her if I don’t ask.” He’s learned to ask. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” She might say no, but she might say yes. You’ll never make friends if you don’t risk trying.

Pray for Friends.

Most important, pray. Tell God about your need and desires for a friend. Trust Him to lead you. Follow through on His promptings. When he puts a person on your heart, trust that it’s His leading to reach out. Believe that He’ll give you the courage and the words. Watch for His opportunities.

God desires for you to have friends. He knows that you need them. He planted that longing in your heart. And He has special friends just waiting for you to find. More than these tips and strategies prayer works. Tested and Proven. 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. ~Proverbs 17:17~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

very helpful. tahnk you.